In all honesty I had forgot about this attempt at a blog until someone messaged me out of the blue a few weeks ago saying she found comfort reading my posts and she was going through it all too and then about a week later one of my clients mentioned she missed reading my rants.
In truth I have had nothing much to ramble on about, well, nothing particularly new.
Yes, I still have the regular days when I don’t really want to get out of bed, wash myself or eat but funnily enough my ass is growing faster than Olivia and will soon send her flying across the room if she doesn’t watch what she’s running into.
I have still been moseying through motherhood with not a clue what I’m supposed to be doing. Olivia still takes a bottle, she usually pees on the floor and not in a potty when she’s parading through the house in nothing but her wellies on a dreich Wednesday afternoon – am I meant to be doing anything about that yet? Who really knows… ive gone as far as buying an all singing/dancing plastic mini toilet (flush and toilet roll holder to boot!) and all she does is sit on it fully clothed watching repeats of Sophia the sodding First.
I do know that I have grown a bit in confidence since last October when my fears were realised and the good ol’ Doc informed me I had PPD. I don’t know if I’m through it – like I said you have good days but then there’s still bad days when I have zero energy and just want to sleep and hope when I wake up I have a new lease of positive energy and that ‘get up and go’ attitude I think you need to battle through the drawn out boring as shit monotony of being a parent – it’s tough as hell doing nothing all day yet somehow you’re doing everything.
Ive started (and even paid a MEMBERSHIP) to be part of a toddler group, just to be a regular face at something other than my own parents house and to let Olivia loose on those poor unsuspecting kids – sorry Mums.
Yeah, so a year after being told I had ‘The Black Dog’ I now like to think of it as my Grim – oh yes… I’m going all out Harry Potter geek on you now. At first you think it’s out to get you, then over time you realise it’s just there to remind you that things aren’t as bad as they are in your head, and that’s half the battle.
I call my ‘Black Dog’ Snuffles and we have a tempestuous relationship.
*If you get all the Harry Potter references we are now best friends, congratulations.